If I could command free will....

It is always frightening being exposed for the first time. It is always frightening to be exposed for the second time; third, fourth, and fifth etc. If I could have my way, I would not be writing in a public place. I have already seen the drastic effect that words can have on a few unsuspecting individuals who will one day make up the general public. If I could have my way, I would not even read what I have written. I would not review words. I would not constantly be reminded of all the stupid things that I have ever said or all the senseless feelings I have ever attempted to describe. If I could have my way, I would place logic, accuracy, and modesty on a higher pedestal than desire and impulse. If I could have my way, I would have decided that I didn't NEED to write, that I didn't NEED to be bound to authorship. Oh, well! I feel the impulses of words, and so I have to write. It seems unnerving and indecent to split heart and head on one horizon and scrape all the wordy sludge onto the ground for onlookers to pick through. But here I am! Hoping that, one day, my words might be of some use to someone, I lay them forth. Yes, even noble hope is stronger than fear. If I could command free will, I would have not given me any!