I don't know.

I don't know the mechanics of the world, and I don't expect to. ever.

I don't know the what love really is, and I don't expect to. ever.

I don't know why good people have to end up in the hospital or even dying. It would seem so much more convenient if the bad people got hurt, wouldn't it. Not to say that there are either "good" people or "bad" people. But some people seem truly awful, while other really attempt to become righteous.

I don't know how I can even touch tomorrow.

I don't know anything.

SPAM and its failed relatives

SPAM substitute is a waste of time.
Not only does it come in a tin package filled with a sick gel that even Dr. Scholl wouldn't put on the market, but you have to sqeeze and prod it out of its lovely package. When it hits the plate, allow plenty of time for it to jiggle. This could take anywhere from 30 seconds to 5 and 1/2 minutes. When it is done jiggling, grab a gas mask and commence slicing. If you pass out from the odor, don't panic. It's perfectly natural.
When frying, it does not sizzle and simmer like SPAM. It merely lies there pathetically like an obese hairless cat and rockets boiling steam onto your arms. When the edges turn black, you should probably take it off the pan, even though the middle is still soft and pink and squishy. Only SPAM turns to that golden brown that is so appealing to consumers all over the world.
Why would someone even try to create an alternative for a product that saved the Russian army in WWII? Why would someone even try to consume a product that is a substitute for a substitute for Ham? Who even does this?!?!?!
Let me tell you:

Dutch Colony luncheon meat. They even include directions on how to open the can. Because is was such a challenge before they added 3 step directions!

Fortune luncheon meat (also a product of Holland)


Ziyad turkey/beef and chicken luncheon loaf. Yes, a product of The Middle East.

Celebrity luncheon meat. It says that it is made of chicken and pork, but has been reported to smell suspiciously of raw liverwurst.


(fatty) Holland View pork

Canadian Fortune luncheon meat. Yes, it seems that the Dutch have joined with Canadians to form an even worse luncheon meat than they could on their own.

Winner Mountain. Winner? Of what? Indigestion?


Canadian Ma Ling. Our dear Canadian brothers have also partnered with the Chinese to make a Spam substitute that is currently only distributed in Holland.

Bristol Luncheon meat. And the picture on the can shows a display in which the meat slices have been arranged to resemble a pleated skirt.

Hereford- Who even knows what this meat is going to be?!? Although, we can fairly assume that it is going to be a product of Holland.


Ligo. And the lovely picture on the front of the can makes this ham look like it has a black head infestation or a pin cushion (probably its most practical use).


Treet- smells like dog food and we all know it! It think that it originally meant to say Dog Treet.


Albertsons. Now with a lovely argyle design embossed into its fatty exterior. (Includes some real ham! Whoopee!)


Potluck. Once again, a product of Holland. When will they ever realize that their SPAM substitutes will only ever amount to good blogging material?

Hartford House luncheon loaf . It's gritty and gelatinous(just like all the rest!)!

SUPER- Super what? Super crappy? Super guaranteed to make you vomit? Super crumbly and fragile (unlike its gelatinous cousins)?

Great Value luncheon meat- a Wal-mart bargain! What more is there to say?


Majesty (Denmark’s best). If a multi-toned, pink, speckled brick of pork is their best, I don’t
want to see what else they have come up with.


Ralph’s pork luncheon meat. Whoever Ralph is, he failed in life.

VONS luncheon meat. Known to smell like wooden shoes. Appropriate since it, too, is from Holland.

Royal Chicken Luncheon Loaf. Reported to have a smoky taste. A great subtitute for cigarettes. Sure to give you lung cancer!

Don't give me any of these foreign luncheon meats! I want Hormel's Spiced canned Ham. There is a reason that you probably haven't been familiarized with a lot of these; they ALL FAILED. And they ALL fall in the same category: cheap SPAM substitutes. Therefore, don't buy them unless you are planning the death of a loved one. These products should be lethal weapons! Eating these things could be considered attempted suicide. Come on people! Let's stick to the product that out country has come to rely on: SPAM.

The world is flat

I wrote this a few years back.

The world is flat. It has never been round. And to my knowledge, it will never be round. We are merely a ledge dangling in a universe that offers neither warmth nor net to catch us when we fall. I know that we revolve around the sun. I know that there are eight planets in our solar system. I am open to many grand ideas. I am open to science changing the way I think, but I know for a fact, the world in which I have always resided has ever been flat. Flat, like a thin slice of buttered bread lying cold on a plate. All of our land resides right side up. Nothing is beneath us. We hover and twist. Our clump of dirt rotates itself vertically around and around that blazing chasm called the sun. Night turns to day. Day into darkness. Darkness into revolution. Columbus was wrong. The world is flat.

My everyday rebellion.

" I went into the woods because I wanted to live deliberately. I wanted to live deep and to suck out all the marrow of life. To put to rout all that was not life and not when I had come to die, discover that I had not lived. " - Walden by Thoreau

All creatures find comfort in the concept of anarchy and rebellion. Thoreau sold all that he had and bought a house on Walden street. He then proceeded to write Civil Disobedience which speaks strongly on the concept of rebellion and conscience. Personally, I think that this essay was spawned from his bitter feeling towards the government when a refusal to pay taxes landed him in jail. Were it not for his dear Aunty bailing him out, his body would probably still be decomposing in a jail cell.
Moreover, I have noticed that certain species of people find general comfort in anarchy and rebellion.
"Youth with its enthusiasms which rebels any accepted norm must because it must--and we sympathize--it may wear flowers in its hair, bells on toes, But when the common good is threatened, when the function of society is endangered, such revolts must cease. They are non-productive and must be abolished." said The President to No. 48 in The Prisoner.

Rebellion, anarchy. It's all normal human nature.

If I could command free will....

It is always frightening being exposed for the first time. It is always frightening to be exposed for the second time; third, fourth, and fifth etc. If I could have my way, I would not be writing in a public place. I have already seen the drastic effect that words can have on a few unsuspecting individuals who will one day make up the general public. If I could have my way, I would not even read what I have written. I would not review words. I would not constantly be reminded of all the stupid things that I have ever said or all the senseless feelings I have ever attempted to describe. If I could have my way, I would place logic, accuracy, and modesty on a higher pedestal than desire and impulse. If I could have my way, I would have decided that I didn't NEED to write, that I didn't NEED to be bound to authorship. Oh, well! I feel the impulses of words, and so I have to write. It seems unnerving and indecent to split heart and head on one horizon and scrape all the wordy sludge onto the ground for onlookers to pick through. But here I am! Hoping that, one day, my words might be of some use to someone, I lay them forth. Yes, even noble hope is stronger than fear. If I could command free will, I would have not given me any!

THIS is a blog written by me!

Alright,
so...it was suggested to me that I get a blog. Not like the internet wasn't taking up enough of my time already! Between various email addresses, personalized messaging sources, grade journals, and poetry folders, I can hardly recognize my desperate need for a blog. Nevertheless, I am under the impression that some might amuse themselves by skimming over my thoughts, and who am I to deny them such entertainment? Thus we commence....